Emotionally Drained

I’m so emotionally drained today. I probably won’t describe this very well but I need to get it off my chest and sorry if it’s long. About a year and a half ago my company was purchased by a large industrial firm. This firm also purchased 2 of our biggest competitors and there has been a lot of changes. Some changes have made sense, some not so much. All together we are currently all under 1 parent company, and by all I mean 5 companies. Plus 1 that we combined with part of another company to form a new company. It’s still all very confusing and we are still running into the problem of, which company handles what in regards to purchasing, Human Resources and logistics. One thing that has helped our efforts to smoothly transition and help communication between the companies has been our HR department. Mainly our VP of HR and my companies HR team. Most of the other HR teams consist of 1 person because they have fewer employees we have roughly 1000.

About a week or so ago the company decided to eliminate the VP of HR and have all current HR Managers and HR Country Directors within each of the companies take on this extra role. To some this might make sense but with so many companies, you need that 1 person who can be the mediator and go between for the HR leaders, employees and the upper management team(VPs, Company Leaders and our Board). Most people dislike HR anyways but our VP is one of the best and has held this company together through all of our changes, department reorganizations (we do a TON because the VPs like to change their departments up so often) and layoffs. Today is her last day and on top of it my boss, the Director of HR, let our team know she’s given her notice and her last day is in December.

I’m not surprised my boss is leaving but I figured she would hold out a little longer after the VP left. My boss is already doing the job of 2+ people and now they want to add on what the VP does. My boss is not even leaving to go to another company, she’s just done. Now I don’t want to sound dramatic but I fear my department is going to fall apart. I know it probably wont but there is no one currently employed with the knowledge that either of our departing HR team leaders have. Neither have an assistant to help with the transition and we have been trying, unsuccessfully for a few months to hire a 2nd HR Manager for our operations team. How do they expect to fill the HR Director role in a month? Plus I’m losing the best boss I’ve ever had. This whole thing has got me thinking about the future and I don’t like uncertainty, who does? I feel like its too soon and too raw to make any rash decisions but it’s got me thinking, updating my resume and at least looking around for what’s out there.

Tiff Sig

Can this week be over yet?

I’m so happy today is Friday and I don’t even care that it is Friday the 13th.

Lately I’ve been tired all the time. My sleep is sporadic throughout the night and when I do sleep, I dream vivid dreams and then wake up late. This week I had a dream about going into work in the most inappropriate outfit, it was…horrible. Then the Benefits Admin announced to the whole company that they were taking away all of our Holidays, then she burst into tears and tells us we all need to go home for the day. Employees were pissed off and left and facilities didn’t lock down the building. I work in the front office so all of these customers were coming into the lobby, which had turned into a retail shop counter much like Les Schwab. I could not get any help because most of the building was empty and the people who were there didn’t want to help because they were mad at the company. I finally had to tell everyone that I could not help them and we were closing. That was a stressful dream. I had other dreams but I only remember snapshots of them.

I’m thinking that the dreams might be due to my 40 day Quit It challenge I’m doing on HabitRPG. Part of why I’ve been so tired is because I’ve been eating like crap. One thing I’ve noticed is, if I have a soda I’m usually eating something not healthy, like a pizza. I love pizza and can’t really eat it without drinking soda, it’s a mind thing. My friend once told me she only smokes when she drinks and I said that’s horrible, I kind of get it now. Way to be judgmental Tiffany! So ya, I’m on day 10 and have been soda free for all 10 days. It’s been interesting trying to pick out other drinks to have besides water. While I enjoy water, it gets boring real fast, but it has introduced me to new drinking experiences. I’ve also made healthier decisions when going out to fast food because well, soda just goes well with fatty, grease food. Yesterday I had my first carbonated drink in 9 days, I really needed it. It was not soda but a carbonated water.

I had a craptastic day yesterday, that’s why I needed it. Oh and this might be TMI, you have been forewarned. First I slept poorly and for some reason, the best sleep I get is either right before I have to wake up or right after hitting snooze. After finally getting up and ready, I was late to work.  Around noon I had a surprise visit yesterday from my monthly lady friend and didn’t realize until it was too late. Yeah it happens to the best of us but it is still embarrassing. It’s embarrassing because when I go on break, someone comes to watch the front desk for me. So I got up and BAM the stain on my computer chair was just staring me in the face. Oh gosh, this is awkward. Luckily my coverage is super awesome and was very understanding. I got her another chair and went to town trying to clean up the stain. I left to go home and change and ended up being late getting back into work because I was stopped by 2 freight trains. Ugh the day just kept getting better. Everything was going better until I left to go home for the day. Turns out someone tried to break into my car and the rubber/foam grip thingie, yes the technical term grip thingie, between my car frame and the door was all shredded. I didn’t notice it until I got in my car and my sweater got caught in the shredded piece and the whole rubber/foam grip thing pulled and fell off. Seriously one more thing to add to my shitty day. I put the piece back in place and start the car. Fuck I just wanted to go home. I start the car and wonder why I can clearly hear the engine start. Turns out I left the window open less than an inch. Oh ok, whatever. Then I look down at the passenger door and what do I find….BIRD SHIT. Yes a bird pooped in my car. I cleaned it off and got home as fast as I could. My day was definitely over, SO OVER.

I’m happy today is Friday because I’m ready for the weekend and ready for this week to be over. The bonus that made the week tolerable, I’m going to the Sounders game tomorrow. Crossing my fingers for a win and an awesome weekend.

Tiffany – The Tangled Taurus

The year I turn 30

I had a depressing night last night.

I’m usually a fairly optimistic and positive person but last night all I could think about was how unfulfilling my life is. Not only in work but in my personal life as well. I think I’m hitting the 30 blues. It’s not that I’m sad I’ll be turning 30 this year, it’s all that I have, well have NOT accomplished in those 30 years. I know logically I should not compare myself to others but when 80% of your peers either have distinct careers or ready for their 2nd/3rd/4th child, I can’t help but feel inferior.

Last night I was browsing through Linkedin and the knowledge that I don’t have a career really hit home with me and hit me hard. Where is my passion? I mean, do I hate my job? No. Do I still enjoy my job and where I work? Yes, but what do you do with yourself when you are almost 30 and have no idea what you want to be when you “grow” up? I’d love to move up in my department, but the one position that would do that for me was eliminated because of budget cuts. I’m also feeling the noose of responsibility and a job that paid better would help loosen that noose.

There have been talks about upcoming performance goals and raises and I’m nervous. I feel like my work is going to look at what I make and what the average person in my position makes and decide that I already make more than the average. Then I had a dream that my company started a review website that ranked employees based on customer interaction. My boss pointed out that I had a review and it was not good. I couldn’t understand why because I’m generally really good with customers. Of course I scoured the review section looking for anything to do with me but didn’t find anything. I do a fantastic job keeping my smart ass comments to myself and not telling callers what they can do with their swear words and poor attitudes.

Overall I’m just feeling shitty about myself. Need to get out of this funk.

Tiffany – The Tangled Taurus