Emotionally Drained

I’m so emotionally drained today. I probably won’t describe this very well but I need to get it off my chest and sorry if it’s long. About a year and a half ago my company was purchased by a large industrial firm. This firm also purchased 2 of our biggest competitors and there has been a lot of changes. Some changes have made sense, some not so much. All together we are currently all under 1 parent company, and by all I mean 5 companies. Plus 1 that we combined with part of another company to form a new company. It’s still all very confusing and we are still running into the problem of, which company handles what in regards to purchasing, Human Resources and logistics. One thing that has helped our efforts to smoothly transition and help communication between the companies has been our HR department. Mainly our VP of HR and my companies HR team. Most of the other HR teams consist of 1 person because they have fewer employees we have roughly 1000.

About a week or so ago the company decided to eliminate the VP of HR and have all current HR Managers and HR Country Directors within each of the companies take on this extra role. To some this might make sense but with so many companies, you need that 1 person who can be the mediator and go between for the HR leaders, employees and the upper management team(VPs, Company Leaders and our Board). Most people dislike HR anyways but our VP is one of the best and has held this company together through all of our changes, department reorganizations (we do a TON because the VPs like to change their departments up so often) and layoffs. Today is her last day and on top of it my boss, the Director of HR, let our team know she’s given her notice and her last day is in December.

I’m not surprised my boss is leaving but I figured she would hold out a little longer after the VP left. My boss is already doing the job of 2+ people and now they want to add on what the VP does. My boss is not even leaving to go to another company, she’s just done. Now I don’t want to sound dramatic but I fear my department is going to fall apart. I know it probably wont but there is no one currently employed with the knowledge that either of our departing HR team leaders have. Neither have an assistant to help with the transition and we have been trying, unsuccessfully for a few months to hire a 2nd HR Manager for our operations team. How do they expect to fill the HR Director role in a month? Plus I’m losing the best boss I’ve ever had. This whole thing has got me thinking about the future and I don’t like uncertainty, who does? I feel like its too soon and too raw to make any rash decisions but it’s got me thinking, updating my resume and at least looking around for what’s out there.

Tiff Sig

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The year I turn 30

I had a depressing night last night.

I’m usually a fairly optimistic and positive person but last night all I could think about was how unfulfilling my life is. Not only in work but in my personal life as well. I think I’m hitting the 30 blues. It’s not that I’m sad I’ll be turning 30 this year, it’s all that I have, well have NOT accomplished in those 30 years. I know logically I should not compare myself to others but when 80% of your peers either have distinct careers or ready for their 2nd/3rd/4th child, I can’t help but feel inferior.

Last night I was browsing through Linkedin and the knowledge that I don’t have a career really hit home with me and hit me hard. Where is my passion? I mean, do I hate my job? No. Do I still enjoy my job and where I work? Yes, but what do you do with yourself when you are almost 30 and have no idea what you want to be when you “grow” up? I’d love to move up in my department, but the one position that would do that for me was eliminated because of budget cuts. I’m also feeling the noose of responsibility and a job that paid better would help loosen that noose.

There have been talks about upcoming performance goals and raises and I’m nervous. I feel like my work is going to look at what I make and what the average person in my position makes and decide that I already make more than the average. Then I had a dream that my company started a review website that ranked employees based on customer interaction. My boss pointed out that I had a review and it was not good. I couldn’t understand why because I’m generally really good with customers. Of course I scoured the review section looking for anything to do with me but didn’t find anything. I do a fantastic job keeping my smart ass comments to myself and not telling callers what they can do with their swear words and poor attitudes.

Overall I’m just feeling shitty about myself. Need to get out of this funk.

Tiffany – The Tangled Taurus