The year I turn 30

I had a depressing night last night.

I’m usually a fairly optimistic and positive person but last night all I could think about was how unfulfilling my life is. Not only in work but in my personal life as well. I think I’m hitting the 30 blues. It’s not that I’m sad I’ll be turning 30 this year, it’s all that I have, well have NOT accomplished in those 30 years. I know logically I should not compare myself to others but when 80% of your peers either have distinct careers or ready for their 2nd/3rd/4th child, I can’t help but feel inferior.

Last night I was browsing through Linkedin and the knowledge that I don’t have a career really hit home with me and hit me hard. Where is my passion? I mean, do I hate my job? No. Do I still enjoy my job and where I work? Yes, but what do you do with yourself when you are almost 30 and have no idea what you want to be when you “grow” up? I’d love to move up in my department, but the one position that would do that for me was eliminated because of budget cuts. I’m also feeling the noose of responsibility and a job that paid better would help loosen that noose.

There have been talks about upcoming performance goals and raises and I’m nervous. I feel like my work is going to look at what I make and what the average person in my position makes and decide that I already make more than the average. Then I had a dream that my company started a review website that ranked employees based on customer interaction. My boss pointed out that I had a review and it was not good. I couldn’t understand why because I’m generally really good with customers. Of course I scoured the review section looking for anything to do with me but didn’t find anything. I do a fantastic job keeping my smart ass comments to myself and not telling callers what they can do with their swear words and poor attitudes.

Overall I’m just feeling shitty about myself. Need to get out of this funk.

Tiffany – The Tangled Taurus

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Cats, Dogs and Parties

You might see a few of these posts, strange posts about my dreams. I have a pretty active imagination and when I dream it can come out rather strange. Not all of my dreams are weird or strange, mostly they are vivid, realistic and random.

Last night I dreamt I took my dog out for a walk and she found a kitten. A tiny fur baby that she wanted to take home. I was not about to leave what looked like a few weeks old kitten out in the cold weather. So I picked up the kitten and walked the dog back to my house. All I could think about was, how the hell am I going to afford a cat and where will I put the kitty liter. Well within a few hours the kitten grew into an adult size cat so I invited all my neighbors over to see if someone had lost a kitten. My neighbors all came over and we had a party. Lots of people, lots of dogs and lots of cats. I don’t like parties and this one was rather strange, cats, dogs and people just hanging out together.

Then I woke up and I don’t even like cats all that much.

Tiffany – Tangled Taurus