The year I turn 30

I had a depressing night last night.

I’m usually a fairly optimistic and positive person but last night all I could think about was how unfulfilling my life is. Not only in work but in my personal life as well. I think I’m hitting the 30 blues. It’s not that I’m sad I’ll be turning 30 this year, it’s all that I have, well have NOT accomplished in those 30 years. I know logically I should not compare myself to others but when 80% of your peers either have distinct careers or ready for their 2nd/3rd/4th child, I can’t help but feel inferior.

Last night I was browsing through Linkedin and the knowledge that I don’t have a career really hit home with me and hit me hard. Where is my passion? I mean, do I hate my job? No. Do I still enjoy my job and where I work? Yes, but what do you do with yourself when you are almost 30 and have no idea what you want to be when you “grow” up? I’d love to move up in my department, but the one position that would do that for me was eliminated because of budget cuts. I’m also feeling the noose of responsibility and a job that paid better would help loosen that noose.

There have been talks about upcoming performance goals and raises and I’m nervous. I feel like my work is going to look at what I make and what the average person in my position makes and decide that I already make more than the average. Then I had a dream that my company started a review website that ranked employees based on customer interaction. My boss pointed out that I had a review and it was not good. I couldn’t understand why because I’m generally really good with customers. Of course I scoured the review section looking for anything to do with me but didn’t find anything. I do a fantastic job keeping my smart ass comments to myself and not telling callers what they can do with their swear words and poor attitudes.

Overall I’m just feeling shitty about myself. Need to get out of this funk.

Tiffany – The Tangled Taurus

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2 thoughts on “The year I turn 30

  1. Hey Tiffany,
    This comment won’t probably be too helpful to you but hey one can always comment.I don’t think you are in any way inferior than your peers. We’re all so different people. I am 21 so maybe I don’t understand “the 30 blues” but every once in a while I think of Emma Watson. She’s 3 years older than me and she is more rich, beautiful, smart and what is she not. Well she isn’t me and I guess we all have different interests and starting points in life. + that someone will always be superior or inferior than you in some ways. Like some people don’t even have a job, or they are homeless etc.
    And having 4 kids already before 30…well that’s definitely not for me, I’d lose my mental health completely.

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    • Thank you for the comment Anastasia. I think looking at the lives of celebrities and comparing them to our own is vastly different from the people you surround yourself with, but I get that. I mean, comparing yourself to others is generally a waste because like you said, we are all different, but it still happens. I think we should all celebrate the things we have accomplished, no matter how small. I just need to keep that in mind!

      Honestly, I think I’m too selfish at this point in my life to have 4 kids but it would be nice to be closer to the path of building a family and what not. 🙂

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